Take Direction Well

Never to be left behind, my parents have joined the parade of companies and individuals bestowing instructional directions. Our world is full of helpful hints, from a cup of coffee informing us of its heated content to the mattress label hinting the brigade will be surrounding our bedrooms if removed. Not to be left in the cold, Honey and Pappa (otherwise known as Big G) have accepted a leadership role.

Their house is full of educational listings, from the clock radio, to the DVR, to the oven. Truly, taped to each mechanical feature is a multi-tiered paper giving the reader a clear process to operate said item. How many people do you know, take the opportunity to improve our reading skills while setting the alarm or watching a movie? Not to miss an opportunity, the yellow pad even explains the telephone. All that is fine and dandy, I am willing to dawdle over writings within the cozy confines of their abode but they have taken their need to inform the public to a new and more complex level.

This is an extremely cold winter in Mystic, Connecticut. Not only is the temperature below the comfort zone, the wind and salt air make for a less than inviting environment to have outdoor experiences. Taking odds with the Denver weatherman that expounds - "No such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing" - this weather has led one to forgo crisp walk and cross country-skiing expeditions.

Honey and Pappa have decided we all need assistance in operating a storm door, the first point of entry to their home. Really, how many of you need help opening and closing a door? Well, according to Generation One - we do. There is a rather large note taped afore-mentioned storm door explaining how to successfully achieve the goal of entering their home. Honestly, it is a several step process. Unfortunately, my father's handwriting needs the Rosetta Stone to decipher so one is left standing in sub-zero temps trying to decide if the note is a warning for smallpox or some other dreaded disease lurking inside the walls. By the time, one realizes it is simply further helpful hints on how to grab and latch and pull, frostbite has set in and one cannot operate the latch. So, doorbells are rung - shuffling occurs inside and one eventually gains admittance.

To date there are no instructions where to sit - perhaps that will be a 2010 improvement. Now that Pappa, Big G or Dad (depending on where you are in the line-up)has discovered the internet and Megan as his cameraman, we may have youtube performances informing us on the best methods of can-opening, handling an electric toothbrush or operating the remote control.

An exciting year ahead.