Reinin' It In

Here in the land of sun and white beaches, one sees bathing suits - and the bodies inside them all the live long day.

The clever fabric configurations or lack thereof are especially visible at that Mecca of crafted bodies and beautiful people, The Soggy Dollar Bar on Jost Van Dyke. On the beach, on the boats moored in White Bay, at the bar, eating lunch, playing the ring toss game - picture perfect molded beings providing a panoramic view. It is enough to make one consider a change of religious affiliation - making the burka the wardrobe of choice. Certainly, one explores all avenues of food restriction - from gastric bypass to clamping one's mouth shut with super glue.

Thank goodness the wonders of modern communication have saved me from all extreme measures. TV has found my salvation. It is called Finefit and is a body stocking made of Bamboo. The infomercial was quite educational. Took one from the strength of the bamboo tree to how it is woven into the garment. The selling point for me was the before and after pictures of people wearing the garment. Extreme muffin tops, bellies hanging out, hips and legs filled with cellulite, complete with jiggling the excess flab - not to mention a poke or two. But once stuffed into your exquisite Finefit garment, the Sports Illustrated cover is in your future.

So, bring on the Cajun Fries and the Graeter's complete with bittersweet sauce, Finefit eliminates the need for those nasty treadmills or stair steppers.

Best news, bamboo floats. Your personal raft for White Bay at the Soggy Dollar. Makes one happy to be a woman.